The Parent Perspective: Equity, Respect, and Real Engagement
- Sarita Sashington
- May 20
- 6 min read
Parents want and need to be treated as equals. They want to have their voices honored as experts of their own situations, recognized as valuable resources, and treated fairly and with respect. They/we want to feel valued, seen, and heard.
There is a question as old as time…How to engage parents in a meaningful and sustainable way? For years, schools, social services, and other organizations have struggled with this question: the thought of engaging parents.
Shaped By Experience
I’ve worked with parents in various capacities over the years. In working alongside parents, the first thing I remember or remind myself is that I myself am a parent and then approach the relationship with that lens…the one of being a parent. Using this lens allows me the opportunity to lean into learning about the parents I serve. It allows me to build relationships that foster a better learning environment for their children as well as a foundation for collaborative partnerships that have the potential to expand into additional areas.
In my work, I’ve often observed the following: Parents become professionals and then forget they are parents, or professionals become parents and, because they are often degreed, believe their education outweighs the lived experience of the parents they serve. This is a detriment to systems that want to engage parents.
The Federal government acknowledges the importance of engaging parents; scholars have published articles, and engagement experts have given TED talks about it. Yet, frontline workers must fight tooth and nail to get the tools they need to engage parents effectively.
Where is the disconnect?
Parent engagement is supposed to be important. And yet, for most programs, it is optional to have a parent coordinator, optional to put a line item in the budget, and optional to provide refreshments for family events. Everything is optional, nothing is mandatory, where supporting parents are concerned. Organizations pour major funds to pour resources into children. That’s great, but those resources stop with the children. Instead, if they pour resources into parents, the residue trickles down to the children and then to the community. Every resource provided to the parents/caregivers contributes to the child's overall mental, emotional, social, AND academic well-being. The type of resources we provide to parents is often limited, under the assumption that “they are adults that should have it all together” and when they don’t, they’re labeled ‘lazy, uninterested, dramatic, unworthy, resistant, among other things…
I remember working in a community school as a parent coordinator. While I appreciated the organization's creation of a much-needed position, once in the position, I spent most of my time advocating for those in my position to be given budgets and computers, the most basic things to do our jobs. When community schools were developed, the initial concept was to have full-service community schools, which included 3 major positions to meet the needs of schools and families.
Those positions were community school manager, social worker, and parent-coordinator. It was designed to encourage the after-school program to partner with other organizations in the community to provide programming for the youth. The program managers were young White people fresh out of school, with jobs in my community and absolutely no interest in working with the people or in partnering with other organizations in the community to meet the needs of the children or to engage the parents.
Although they had money for parent engagement, it was considered miscellaneous; they could choose how to allocate it. Instead of using it for both parents and students, they decided to spend thousands of dollars on extracurricular activities for the youth instead of partnering with organizations in the community to provide services. Very few dollars were allocated for engaging parents; instead, we were encouraged to try to use Title 1 monies.
That was over 12 years ago. Those young managers didn’t understand the value of engaging parents, the value of providing programming for parents that would help them take better care of their children, or the value of community relationships. Today, we are still having this conversation. Providers are still asking for the best ways to engage parents, yet little or no money is being put toward parent engagement.
Changed Perspectives
What if we saw them the same way we see ourselves, as parents simply needing all the tools we can handle to take better care of ourselves and our children? To ensure our children have full tummies, they can sleep at night and wake up well-rested for school. We need to provide workshops that show us ways to create passive income or receive compensation/stipends for some of the hours we volunteer, because every little bit helps. They need enough to pay a bill or two, so they don’t have to work 12-14 hours a day, leaving them refreshed enough to help their children with homework or attend a report card pick-up day.
When parents feel supported, confident, refreshed, and prepared, their children also feel the same… It’s a win-win!
Engagement in a Meaningful, Sustainable Way
The following tips are based on my own experience and the experience of over 40+ parent leaders who serve as the National Parent Café Leadership team for Be Strong Families regarding how to effectively engage parents in a meaningful and sustainable way.
Change the lens of how you view the parents you serve- There is no difference between you and them. In the same way, you need support and tools to keep your children safe and your family strong; they need the same. If you view them as you view yourself, as assets, as partners, as co-collaborators in their children's success, to be treated as valuable, as the keys to better improve student outcomes, you wouldn’t have a problem sharing power or compensating them for their time. You would be happy to do it, because not only does it improve your program overall, but also because it’s how you would want to be treated.
Nothing About Us, Without Us—Especially those decisions that impact them or their children. Get their input at the beginning of the thought, not at the end, after you’ve decided what you think is best for them and their situations. Include them in every aspect of the programming…this leads to them taking ownership of the project and spreading the word, which leads to more engagement and more parents. It also acknowledges what they bring to the table and the value of what they bring. They want to be asked what kind of workshops would benefit them instead of assuming they need another stress workshop. They want the opportunity to tell you what would work best for their families.
Don’t Tokenize- Tokenizing is to be satisfied with checking the box. “My program requires that I engage parents, so I engage one. I have them sign off on all the necessary documents, take them to a conference, and pat myself on the back.” That isn’t enough; parents have value and want to add that value to the programs in different ways. Many parents want to be involved with their child's education in some way, shape, or fashion. Therefore, don’t fixate or be content with having one or two parent volunteers; instead, focus on building relationships with other committed parents, eventually leading to richer family programming.
Flexibility—Should all parent workshops/events be held only during the school day? Why not some evenings or even weekends, when working parents can attend and give their voice and share their resources? Ask parents when the best time is to meet and where. All parent meetings don’t have to take place at the school, especially if the school or the organization isn’t a welcoming place.
Act on their suggestions. Their time is also valuable; they don’t want to weigh in for the sake of weighing in; they want to weigh in so their voice will make a difference for their child and the children of others, improving the climate or culture of the organizations. If you make a promise…keep it. This builds trust and strengthens their relationship with the school/organization.
Having an Open Door Policy is it. Your opportunity to practice social equity, to flow with parents as they encounter life’s challenges. When they don’t show up how you want them to, haven’t made it to all the meetings, ask for a workshop or resource and don’t utilize it, or don't show up, life happens to all of us. Don’t give up on them, keep encouraging them to show up, check on them, find out what they need to show up, and then provide it. Remove every barrier.
“People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care”― Theodore Roosevelt
Conclusion
Meaningful parent engagement is not about events or token participation but shifting systems, mindsets, and relationships. Parents are not separate from the work; they are central to it. When we see, support, and invest in parents as whole people—with wisdom, dignity, and value, their children, families, and communities flourish. It’s time to stop asking if parent engagement matters and start treating it like it does—with intention, equity, and resources to back it up.
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